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Recent attempts by the Congressional Black Caucus to gain statehood for South Africa have succeeded. According to anonymous Department of State (DOS) sources, members of the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) are urging the White House to finalize the agreement confirming South Africa will be America’s fifty-first state.

The move is hailed by social progressives as a brilliant way to guarantee president Barack Obama will become America’s first president for life. A white house insider says Obama is excited about the prospect of early admittance of South Africa as the fifty-first state and is already making plans for his coronation. This move has gained serious momentum since Obama confirmed his intentions to convert the United States from a colonialist-oppressor regime to one of the world’s foremost third-world countries.

“This can be accomplished by transferring wealth from the white population to blacks,” noted Mugabu Mukama, a highly respected sociologist residing in Zimbabwe. “America’s white population and South Africa’s white population are swimming in unearned wealth stolen from blacks – transference of this wealth from whites to blacks will guarantee America’s rise to third-world prominence.”

According to the agreement, white South Africans will be given the humanitarian option to move to internment camps or be transferred to internment camps where they will remain until a human rights commission can convict them of crimes against humanity. “The situation favors permanent internment of white South Africans in temporary user-friendly concentration camps being constructed in South Africa,” noted Marcus Jones, undersecretary of white house racial affairs. 

The biggest hurdle to South Africa’s admission as a state was resolved this week when the United States Department of Justice agreed to ANC demands to free all black South African prisoners who allegedly committed crimes against the white population of that country. “After 1994, white South Africans continued to believe they were living under the Apartheid regime,” ANC spokesman Umbula Kwame remarked. “White allegations –especially Boer allegations – that blacks are somehow responsible for murdering members of South Africa’s white population are unfounded, preposterous and racist. Black prisoners will be freed!”

Homes for black South Africans are already being built in a number of US locations. They will be equipped with a two car garage to house the Mercedes and BMW automobiles that will be given to black South Africans upon their arrival in the United States. President Obama has also approved funds to provide free food, clothing, medical care, bank accounts and entertainment vouchers to black South Africans during the first ten years of their newly-established citizenship. This program is modeled after the current benefits being given to America’s oppressed black population.

Some sociologists believe this measure will have unanticipated consequences, especially to the white populations of both countries. Those same experts note, however, that whites will adapt to long-term hardships such as starvation, crime, imprisonment and disease. Umbula Kwame added, “This is how whites have been managing the slaughter of their population so far. It has been working pretty well. Why change it?”

The motto, “If this is so bad whites would do something to stop it” will be placed at the entryway of all of South Africa’s user-friendly white internment camps and eco-friendly disposal ovens. “This is proof enough that whites agree with these measures,” A smiling Kwame noted. “We’re thrilled by the absence of white resistance - It makes the situation much more pleasant.”

By ENTWAMA MUGABE,
ANCYL TRUTH COMMISSION
FOR WHITE DEVIL REPORTS